It's sadly overwhelming that when I concluded the exams, it didn't make me feel any better. It's horrifying because as much as I try to rest assure myself that I might be overreacting and that it's not as bad, it doesn't help that I keep thinking about how doable the papers were and that I could've done better.

It has become an emotional turmoil that can't be avoided and it pulls at my heartstrings. I shed tears at the beginning of this year, I shed tears in the midst of preparation, I don't want to have to shed another tear next year. I don't want to, I really do not want to.

That aside, I want to tell you that it's okay to let go of your emotions. It's the first step to repentance: you realize, you regret and thereafter you seek forgiveness from the Almighty. Insya Allah, you're well on your way.

Revelation :) Yes indeed, it's an interesting process. Feels like a glowing lightbulb above your head, revelation's like enlightenment and I'm glad that you view it in a positive way, to further improve yourself as a person. I'm sorry if it was selfish of me, to not have informed you of it earlier. But after yesterday, I fully understand your thought process, and you became aware of mine. That's how 2 different human beings work. Everyone's different, and what they think is right, might not be our right, what they feel is wrong, might not be our wrong. "I am what I am because of who we all are". Go figure. Ripped it off from somewhere, if you took a min to try and understand that, it makes sense provided you're not confused and all.

I want to be a better person, I aim to be a better person. Some things that my friends say and do leaves me wondering sometimes, how I could improve myself further, improve myself to accommodate their needs, their likes. How far should I go to keep them happy? Yes, I'm a people-pleaser. As unpleasant as that may sound, I'm like that. And it dawned upon me that I'm doing it all wrong, someone made me realize that I shouldn't have to sacrifice so much, to make others happy. Yes I can, but to some extent. She doesn't like to see me get hurt in the process sometimes, to keep them happy. I understand what she's trying to say, so thank you :) Maybe because I feel obliged to do it, even if it physically and psychologically hurts me deep down. (I hope I don't become a victim of abuse one day) Nope, I'm not that stupid.

I take it that my friends know when to draw the line, and I have my limits as well, so if you've exceeded mine, I will tell you that you've had. For now, I think I relish seeing their smiles, their triumph and the joy we all share, being with one another. Don't worry, deep down, I'll keep in mind that I love myself more, so so much more and I'll keep a lookout for myself as much as I keep a lookout for all of you.

And you,

you don't have to feel alone at home love, I'm here and we're near. Give me a call, okay.